


Comeuppance

by JustAnotherUnderstudy



Series: Babes in Museland [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Crossover, Established Relationship, F/M, Inspired by Real Events, Muses, Older Woman/Younger Man, Piers Morgan is an idiot, RPF Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 19:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16332041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherUnderstudy/pseuds/JustAnotherUnderstudy
Summary: Never before and probably never again will my two favorite fandoms cross streams. I sure didn't expect it to ever happen, and definitely not like it did this week. I had to deal with the stupid, and this is how I did it.(I changed the title.)





	Comeuppance

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I'll explain everything down below.

Piers Morgan woke up in a daze, staring up at the sun shining harshly on him. He shook his head and looked around, trying to get his bearings. Hadn’t he been asleep in his bed? Where was he now?

He rolled over onto his side and began to push himself up. He seemed to be on the rooftop of a tall building. He looked around and his eyes lit on two men walking toward him. His mouth fell open in surprise.

“Aren’t you two, um, wait, what is this?”

The men stopped about 3 meters away and the shorter, dressed in a well-tailored, grey Tom Ford suit, introduced himself.

“Bond, James Bond.”

The taller, dressed in red, white, and blue holding a round shield of the same color, his uniform and shield each sporting a white star front and center, was silent. His silence and his hard stare made him even more menacing.

But Piers looked around and chuckled.

“This is a dream,” he said. "You two aren't even real people."

Bond raised his brows in surprise.

"You certainly appealed to us as if we were real people," he quipped.

"Well, that was just because," Piers stopped. "Why am I arguing with fictional characters in a dream?"

"Are you sure this is a dream?" Bond asked.

"Of course, it is," Piers spat. "I'm in my pajamas, on the rooftop of a building, with bloody James Bond, and Captain America."

“Well, then, you won’t need to worry about anything, will you?” Captain America finally spoke, his voice held no warmth.

Piers felt a shiver despite the heat radiating off the sun-soaked rooftop, and the fact that he was certain this was only a dream.

Cap took a few steps toward Piers who involuntarily stepped backward.

“So, you think I’m, what, too much of a man to hold a baby in a carrier?” he asked. “You think it’s unmanly to care that much for your own children?”

“Uh, well, it’s, uh,” Piers tried to speak.

“You insulted James Bond on social media,” Bond said, also taking a few steps closer and forcing Piers to take more steps back. "I believe the word you used was "emasculated.""

“And then you had to appeal to Trump for your defense?” Captain America sounded disgusted.

Both men crowded toward Piers until the back of his legs hit the short wall that made up the edge of the roof.

“You know, you’re an absolutely disgusting person,” Cap said, grabbing the collar of Piers’ pajamas.

Piers felt himself falling backwards then Captain America pulled him back toward him.

“You’re not going to throw me off the roof,” Piers said. “It’s really not your style.”

“You’re right,” Cap said. “It’s his.”

Cap stepped back and nodded toward Bond, who immediately kicked up his leg and slammed his foot square into Piers’ chest, sending the poor excuse for a human being over the ledge of the roof, plummeting toward the asphalt below.

“Oh, crap!” Cap said.

“What?” James turned to him.

“I got so caught up in the story that I forgot,” he sighed, resting his hands on his hips and staring up into the sky. “In the movie, Sam was there with his Falcon gear and grabbed him before he hit the ground.”

Bond was silent for a moment before he cleared his throat.

“Well, let’s hope that the adage about dying in your dreams is not true,” he said before turning to walk away.

“Buy you a pint?” he shouted back at Cap who strode quickly to catch up with him.

“I thought you only drank martinis,” Cap said.

“I actually can’t stand vodka,” James said. “Brandy is more my style. Though, I do rather enjoy a good pint.”

“Alright,” Cap said as James opened the door to the rooftop stairs. “I could use a drink after this ridiculous mess.”

"Nor sure my pub carries that Asgardian stuff you take," James told him.

They descended the stairs for one flight then opened the next door and walked toward the lift.

Once inside, Bond pressed the button for the underground garage.

"If we happen to run into Olivia, I'd appreciate it if you kept mum about this," he told Cap.

"You know, I'm pretty sure that idea that if you die in your dreams you really die is just a myth," Cap tried to assure him. "I mean, who could even know that since if a guy died in his sleep it's not like he could tell anyone that he'd died in his dream.

"Besides, we can just check online tomorrow," he said.

"Yes, well, that's actually the problem," James told him.

"How do you mean?" Steve asked.

"Olivia isn't very keen on my spending time online," he explained. "I tend to find out these awful things and it annoys her that I let human reality affect me."

"Oh, she would definitely be upset about this then, huh?" Steve asked.

James nodded.

"She told me last time that if I did it again, I'd be on the couch for a month," he told Steve.

"Ouch," Steve exclaimed. "But attractive all the same."

James turned to his comrade and saw a devilish smirk on his face.

"Hands off, Rogers," he said. "You have your own woman."

"I do," Steve smiled. "But I can't help but notice and appreciate another strong-willed and stubborn woman."

James chuckled. He and Steve definitely had the same tastes when it came to that.

"Can you imagine if the two of them got their heads together?" James jokingly inquired.

Steve laughed.

"Oh, that would be awful," he said.

* * *

Piers Morgan woke with a start.

'What a nightmare,' he thought.

He was attacked by Captain America and James Bond and then thrown off a building. He needed a drink, and it was only the middle of the night.

He got out of bed and padded toward the kitchen. He paused in the doorway and felt himself pale.

"What?" he whimpered.

At the table sat two older women with near identical cold glares. He rubbed his eyes hard. He recognized them but he had thought his dream had ended.

"Mr. Morgan," the woman with the longer, coifed hair began as she stood. "My name is Peggy Carter. My friend, M, and I are here to discuss the issue of masculinity with you."

The shorter of the two women stood and the scene shifted to the middle of a desert.

He looked around and saw an SUV behind him. Somehow, he didn't think it was for him.

The women walked around him and began to get into the car.

"Wait, you can't leave me out here," he cried.

"Why not?" Peggy asked. "Aren't you masculine enough to survive it?"

"Yes, you did appeal to Bond and Captain America for your claim to manliness," M said.

Peggy laughed.

The back lifted open and M took out a can and tossed it toward him.

The can rolled to a stop at his feet. It was a can of premixed baby pablum.

"I bet you won't make it a mile before you consider drinking that," she said.

Then both women got into the car and drove away, leaving Piers in the dust, willing himself to wake.

Inside the cab, M turned to Peggy, who was driving.

"I'd appreciate it if we kept this between ourselves," she said.

"Really?" Peggy said. "I'd have thought James would find your idea quite amusing, all things considered."

"Well, you see, I have admonished him in the past for going online and finding things out about the real world and then doing asinine things as a result," M explained.

"Oh, I see," Peggy replied.

"And the last time I threatened him with the sofa for a month," M said.

"Dear god, Olivia," Peggy exclaimed. "That sounds like it would be a punishment for you as well. You couldn't go a month without."

M laughed in response.

"No, but I never told James he wouldn't be sleeping alone on the sofa."

**Author's Note:**

> For the confused, Bond and Cap are muses in this story and, yes, the loser Piers Morgan is only having a dream. This is from my muse storyline in which I like to tell tales of what the muses do when they aren't inspiring the writers of the movies, and in which all characters live on forever. In this story, Steve is with the older Peggy (without the ridiculous dementia the movie gave her) and James with Olivia (Judi Dench's M) I do love Museland. :)


End file.
